Are You Happy?
I am a genuinely happy man. I am famously cheerful and friendly. As I get older my happiness is moving from the surface of my being into the very soul of me. It is becoming a deeper joy that stays unshifting in my thoughts, feelings and actions as I go through each day.
As a child, teenager and young man though I was utterly lonely and miserable. I was never happy. In fact I was usually heartbroken most of the time. Full of mistrust and frightened of being let down by people.
I think nowadays we would say I was depressed but nobody said it at the time. But the one thing I had was a desire to be more positive. To be a better me. This became a driving force that guided my life.
My happiness didn’t just appear overnight though. It took, what felt like, a lifetime of healing. I have constantly battled against myself in my desire to be a happier person. As the years moved by I became a therapist first and then a coach and was able to help hundreds of people with a myriad of different problems.
But the one thing they ALL had in common was that they arrived unhappy and left happy.
I myself have healed my unhappiness and replaced it with joy. I had loads of, so called, issues but in the end all I really had was unhappiness. That’s what I healed – my unhappiness.
After my own healing journey and having helped so many others I am left with the belief that there is only ever one issue we need to work on and that is our happiness.
Forget what you think your issue is, it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. What matters is that you work every day towards your own happiness.
So what is happiness?
From my perspective, happiness can be defined in this way:
Happiness = feeling REALLY good
That’s it. Nice and simple. If you feel good, you are happy. If you don’t feel good, you are unhappy. The degree to which we feel good can vary though, can’t it?
We have good days and we have bad days. But what is your ambient level of happiness? What is the average level of how you feel?
Do you feel REALLY good? OK? Or rotten?
The problem with life is that we get lost in it. We are so busy rushing from one thing to the next. So stressed with the pressure we put on ourselves or that our employer puts on us. Most of us are so tired we can’t even think straight. Our kids are a pain. Our relationships cause us more headaches than if we were alone.
On and on it goes. Life sucking us into its void. Making us forget who we are and who we want to be.
If we want to be happy – and we do – we need to remember to be happy. We need to remember to choose happiness.
When I was a miserable young man in my twenties I decided one summer to be good company, no matter what. You know, I had the most fun that year that I ever had back then. All from a simple decision to be that.
Happiness is as easy as we decide to make it. Happiness comes from thinking thoughts that make us happy, behaving in a way that keeps us and those around us happy, and doing that day in and day out.
Being happy takes practise! Same as everything else, happiness is a habit. What is more, there are hundreds of ways to make yourself smile and practise being happy. I have listed a few below. Each of them will change how you feel. All of them done frequently will gradually change how you feel on the subconscious level. They will transform your life. Do one until it is a habit. Then add the next.
One thing before we move on though. Your happiness doesn’t depend on what is going on in your life. It doesn’t matter what you have to deal with. It doesn’t matter how hard your life is, how much suffering you have had to endure, or how much you want something that you haven’t got.
Happiness begins on the inside. Happiness is a decision to make yourself feel really good as often as you can.
So here we go then:
1. Take time for yourself as often as you are able. Time to sit and be still. Time to wonder in the woods, on the beach or up the mountains. Wherever you can be alone with nature and clear your thoughts. Being in nature is so wonderfully healing. Do it often.
2. Once an hour write down five things you can be grateful for. Resisting what you don’t like about your life just makes you focus on it more. Focusing on what you do want is the secret to everything. And gratitude is the mother of all transformation tools. Use it often. Five things an hour is just your starting off point. Really good feelings come from walking around all day counting off the things we love and appreciate about our life.
3. Treat people right! My wife and I live by this rule above all others. Treat others with respect, empathy and consideration. Your actions affect how people feel. Think about that, especially if you have authority over those people. Every time you treat people badly you affect how you feel about yourself too. Treat people well and you raise your own happiness by feeling good about yourself. Also people will treat you well in return.
4. Do what you say you will do! The other all important rule that determines my life. If you don’t want to do it, say so. Otherwise do what you say you are going to do. When you let others down you ruin your reputation, your relationships, and your own happiness.
5. Let go of being right. A great deal of our happiness depends on our relationships with others. Ask yourself what is more important, being right or having a good relationship with someone? Our stubbornness in being right can cost us dearly. Good relationships take effort. We need to forgive a lot and focus on what is good in that person. Every time you disagree with someone you rob yourself of a moment of happiness.
6. Be of service to others. Ask, how can I serve? How can you best help the person in front of you. Can you lift them with your words? Can you carry a load for them (physical or emotional)? What difference can you make in your community, workplace, on the road in your car? Stop thinking about yourself for a minute and look to help others as often as you can. You will feel satisfaction and happiness at the deepest level.
7. Use one-word affirmations and Five Times. There are many words in the English language that can equate to happiness: proud, happy, love, thank you, light, shining, brilliant, beautiful. Pick one that resonates with you and say it Five Times every time you think of it. Make it your mantra. Allow yourself to be carried along with it like a boat on a river. Say it so often that your subconscious takes it on-board and it becomes a feeling – the feeling of happiness. My two favourite one-word affirmations are fun and excited.
8. Look around you and notice the things you like. I like that car, I like that colour, I like that man, that woman, that dress, that coat, that sky, that house, etc. Focus on what makes you happy and you will be happy!
9. Do what you love! Find things you love to do and do them often. Do what you hate less. Be happy on purpose. I like this so this is what I’m going to do. As long as you are not hurting yourself or others – do it! Create happy days on purpose and happy days will become your habit.
10. Be You! Be true to who you are. Never apologise for liking what you like. You are uniquely wonderful and an amazing person. Believe it, live it and be happy with yourself. Accept your mistakes, let go of your shame, don’t give yourself a hard time. Only when you are happy with yourself will the world be happy with you too.
11. Don’t let The Old You Hold You! You have a life-time of programming to overcome. The Old You is powerfully entrenched within your subconscious and is a sneaky beast who will fill you with a hundred excuses why you should not move forward into greater happiness. You must prove to your subconscious that happiness is now your choice. Only when your subconscious is truly and deeply convinced that happiness and really good feelings are what you want will it get behind you and help in the most powerful way imaginable. Watch out for the Old You trying to keep you where you are. Keep moving forward to the happiness you want and deserve.
12. Treat yourself often! A massage, a trinket, a day at the beach, a day off work, a meal with a friend. Don’t spend what you can’t afford, just do something that makes you feel good.
13. Act as if! Put a smile on your face and be cheerful. Greet everyone you meet with a happy “Hello!”. The happiness you spread to others will rub off on you.
14. Allow yourself to get excited. Sometimes we think excitement is for children and when we ‘grow up’; we think we have to be so serious. Rubbish! Allow your excitement to come forth and show itself. Get excited about the things you do and never apologise for it.
So there you have it. There are many more ways to get – and stay – happy. But these are enough to get you going.
You can increase your happiness level from the inside first. You can do all of these things without your life and its problems impeding you. So get started and get happy. Life isn’t tomorrow it’s today, so make the most of it. ENJOY YOURSELF!
If you are really serious about getting really happy I know of no better way than having your very own made to order guided visualisation recording.
Especially made just for you!
Unscripted – straight from my subconscious to yours!
Highly effective at reprogramming you on a subconscious level!
Gets you feeling REALLY good NOW!
Gets you moving towards your goals with focus, confidence and determination!